Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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