He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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