But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
