At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
