I met the friendliest cop last night
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
