You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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