Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sorry about my life...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
