Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
