"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
