the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
