i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
