I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
