I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
