My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a hot homeless man
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
