Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
