i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
