I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
