so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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