Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
