Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
