you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
