I want to make a zoo with you.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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