You're so nebulous sometimes
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
