I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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