lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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