i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
