sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
