cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
