I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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