You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
