Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
