My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
