theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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