i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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