we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
