I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He keeps bees of course he's weird
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
