Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
