I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
