Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
