Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
