we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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