I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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