Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
