I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
