If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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