Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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