Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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