Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
