I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize