They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
