Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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