I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
