He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
