With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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