we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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