just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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