She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
