I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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