Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
