3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I believe in your delicious
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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