i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize