thanks...oh and i got my period
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude