I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.