these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions