so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days