i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.