so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey