i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
