I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
