It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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