we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
