Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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