i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My vagina is officially offended.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
