New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
