Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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