The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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