For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
